It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
