I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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