i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
