yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
