Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
