It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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