those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My penis needs a shock collar
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
