Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
