your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just want nice things and good sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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