:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
