he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
