so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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