Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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