Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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