you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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