just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
