i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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