I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
