You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
