I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize