Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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