Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize