I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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