I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Less talking, more tequila
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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