Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
