The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
