(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
