I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize