just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
