May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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