cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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