this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's never too late to be topless.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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