hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
