girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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