Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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