I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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