this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
