Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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