So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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