so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
