Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
