Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
