If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
