He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
