i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
