Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
