I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
