i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
