U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
