Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
