My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
