We're like a lot better than the average bears
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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