I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
