Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
