This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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