I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
