so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
