that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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