I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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