What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
