Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
