About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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