Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
