Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
