Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize