and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
