You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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