found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
