I can text with my tongue
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize