I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
