My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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