I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
