you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
