On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize